Here’s a fun fact: Twitter first deemed fruit and pizza an unholy pairing years ago. The debate re-entered our lives for two separate minutes last year when (1) the President of Iceland declared he’d ban pineapple on pizza if he could and (2) someone dared to put strawberries on a pizza and declared them to be an even better topping than pineapples. There has been no pizza-fruit cultural phenomena since then, and yet … this, on Twitter, just a few minutes ago:
Why are people so obsessed with taking down Hawaiian (and other fruit-topped) pies and taking everyone who loves them down too? Unless you are a Professional Pizza Expert (because yes, sure, they understand that improperly dried fruit = moisture = soggy crust) and even then, there is no reason to be so rude about what someone thinks is delicious, for one. When’s the last time a person eating pineapple-topped pizza came to your house and started yelling about how the peanut butter and jelly you were eating was such a travesty?! If you are a person whose lawn is frequented by pineapple-pizza-eating people who constantly eschew your food choices, then sure, you could be rude in return about their pie of choice.
But let’s say you’re not someone who has that particular problem. Sure, the unorthodox combination of sweet and savory might not be for you, especially if you are a pizza purist from ancient times, but we’ve made plenty of strides in that realm since then.
For instance, have you really never dipped your French fries in your Frosty? Have you honestly never ordered fried chicken and sweet, sweet waffles at brunch, only to top the shit out of it with even sweeter maple syrup? Can you truly stand there, look me in the eye, and tell me you’ve not intentionally dolloped raw honey on fancy Trader Joe’s cheese at the last dinner party you went to? You really believe that all things sweet and all things savory should be kept separate? WHAT ABOUT SALTED CARAMEL, MY DUDE?
No? That didn’t do it? So you really are a purist there, huh? Your next argument will be some half-hearted follow-up about how fruit just doesn’t belong on a pizza. Not only have you overlooked the most basic of arguments there (tomatoes are fruits tho), you are paving the way for us to get into “vegetables don’t belong there either” territory. Are you willing to give up your mushrooms? Your peppers? Your olives? Your onions?
As for, IDK, how it tastes — generally an important thing when it comes to pizza — it may not be your thing, but it’s valid. Fruit and cheese indisputably works. Fruit and bread works pretty well too. Fruit and more fruit and cheese and bread? It’s really not something to be mad about, especially not continually over the course of many years.
And anyway, guys, different people like different things which ultimately brings us together. That’s something we could all use a little bit more of right now, don’t you think? Let’s just try it. We’ll all order a pizza and throw a whole bunch of fruit on it. Let’s see how we feel when it’s all gone.
I look forward to hearing your opinion about all of this on Twitter.
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